Late.

So I defnitely have had an INSANE month.........and therefore.....completely spaced on blogging. For like 2 weeks. I know, I know,...total fail. So, here's me, being a loser and finally getting it done! First missed blog entry:

On 11/14 we learned about power and conflict. Power is influence and there are 6 types: 1) coersive [threat of punishment], 2) reward [get something positive out of it], 3) legit [right to ask, duty to respond], 4) expert [knowledge, background, experience], 5) referent [reverence, respect, love], 6) information [explain why]. Conflict is clashing or disharmony of views. It can be dangerous and opportunistic and we need to learn ways of addressing conflict. We also learned the "how", "when", and "then" of criticism. How: reprove betimes with sharpness. When: the Spirit tells. Then: show increase of love.


Second missed bog entry:

We learned about counseling methods. Here are the important aspects:
- seek the truth (what Heavenly Father wants)
- concensus/unanimous decision (of the Lord's will)
- be very open an honest
- combining ideas can trigger additional ideas
- make an effort to get a confirmation from the Lord
- express: love, affection, concern (unifies)
- when we do things Heavenly Father's way, his grace will attend us
- have an agenda (order, prepare, set aside sacred time)
- pray (to invite the Spirit; begin and end with; gratitude)
- if you don't act on impressions, the Spirit won't continue to direct you
- it's not just about the decision, but the growth of the participants involved
- the most important counsels take place in the home
- have bonding time afterwards to relax and refresh
- there is a huge difference between concensus (everyone wins) and compromise (losing some)



And now for TODAY'S entry:

This past week, we learned about the purposes of parenting. You may ask, why parent? Welp, here's what we came up with!:
- to develop patience
- to teach us
- helps prepare us for our heavenly roles
- it changes our relationship with God (makes us more understanding)
- we learn and grow a lot alongside our children
- it is a selfless opportunity

Also, we need to remember to see children as individuals, not objects or obstacles.*

There are also 3 types of parenting styles: 1) permissive (no consequences - reacting), 2) authoritarian (excessive punishment - reacting), and 3) authoritative/active (proactively working). The best is active parenting, which includes focusing on children's needs, and protecting & preparing them to survive and thrive in the world.

Lastly, we discussed a list of "balist characteristics":
- cooperation
- mutual respect (teach through example)
- responsibility
- having courage and encouraging



SO MUCH incredibly amazing stuff to learn from this class! I absolutel L<3VE it! :)

MIND-BLOWN.

Holy wow! I am completely mind-BLOWN!! A crisis. Multiple CRISES. Who woulda thought such a thing could be GOOD or healthy?? Not me, that's for sure!

We learned that a crisis is an event that necesitates change and although it can be hard, can be a positive and needed thing. Brother Williams showed us this ABC -> X Theory created by Reuben Hill:

Actual event (stressor)
Both resource and resposes (tangible and intangible)
Cognitions (thoughts)
____

total eXperience

Some key notes were: 1) Don't let the stress that's outside come between you (spouse, family, etc); 2) it's the structure of the relationship, not the stressor, that determines the outcome; 3) act, don't be acted upon! Remember: Heavenly Father loves us so much that he doesn't want us to go through life without crises. He gives them to us so we can learn and grow.

We also talked about cheering up! Your spirit chooses what you do! And, "that which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do - not that the nature of the thing itself has changed, but our power to do is increased."

Awkward?

So this week we discussed some stuff that was a little bit...well, ..awkward. We began discussing sexual intimacy and basically, this is what I got from it:

-it is an expression of love
-it facilitates closeness to God (becoming one)
-it "bonds souls"
-it's a renewal of "covenants"
-it should be handled slowly and gently with care, little bit by little bit
-it is private and sacred
-there are benefits to being different: 1) it can teach patience, 2) it can teach selflessness, 3) it gives you the opportunity to forget yourself and serve your spouse (attend to each other)
-sex is not the most important part of marriage, but it's a good barometer of how toher areas of marriage are going (vice versa)

We also discussed different things that girls find attractive or "turn-ons" (so guys reading, pay attention!) and here's the list we came up with:

-good smelling
-act cute with children
-can sing
-cooking skills
-make eye contact and you can tell they are being sincere
-helpful and charitable
-solid familial relationshiop
-strong (safety)
-chivalrous
-active and hard-working
-know another language
-make time for you
-sensitive (testimony)

So many great insights! Gotta love this class!

Early Marriage

So this past Friday was definitely my favorite day in Family Relations! I figured that it was really too good to just pick a few things to write about, so I'm just gonna type out the notes that I took! Fair enough? Great! P.S. They are basically all bullet points. So here goes:

-Families being overly involved in a husband-wife relationship can prevent the couple from becoming one. (Setting boundaries between parents/families is important.)
-Talking to parents about marital problems - rather than your spouse - can cause a wedge and lack of confidence in the relationship.
-REMEMBER THE GOOD THINGS.
-Don't critisize each other; appreciate and express that appreciation clearly.
-Be careful in how you present things to each other.
-Look for opportunities to work together and serve one another.
-When pregnant, keep the husband involved and do it all together; baby shopping, go to checkups/doctor visits, talk and be ready for the baby, labor preparation as well as actual labor, choosing the name, etc.
-Plan time for each other.
-Be open and kind and accomidate each other.

Some of theses things I'd never even thought of before! But I realize how important they are to keep a healthy relationship and to grow closer together as husband and wife.

A Cello Family

For this week, I wanted to just post a little excerpt from my Family Systems project where I compared my family to a cello:

Wood, ivory, metal, and horse hair; these are the basic substances that make up a cello and its bow. And while my family isn’t made from wood, ivory, metal, and horse hair, the way it functions is comparable to a cello. I have a dad (pegs), mom (fine tuners), four brothers (strings), and two sisters (the neck and the bow). My dad is very much like the pegs on the instrument which, with some turning, can make the strings almost perfectly in tune. Much like when the stings slip and become out of tune, he has a strong effect on how my brothers come out and pulls them back into place doing what they are supposed to do when they aren’t doing what’s right. Along with pegs, there are fine tuners which help tweak the string just a little bit, but make a huge difference in the ending result of how they sound. My mom is like the fine tuners in the family, because although what she does may seem small, it is that little amount that can make a huge difference and perfect my brothers.

Now as far as the strings go, I see my oldest brother, Mitchell, as the C string. The C string is the lowest one and can sometimes come off a little rough, much like my brother. It is also the deepest sounding which is comparable to how deep and wise my older brother can be in the advice he gives. But this string is also the hardest to keep under your fingers because of its thickness, so you have to work really hard to get the right sound out. This feature is a lot like Mitchell’s stubbornness and thick-mindedness. You really have to push him to get what you want. My next brother, Justin, is like the G string. The G string is the second lowest and is not as deep and rough sounding as the C string but gets the closest to it. This is comparable to how Justin is the closest brother to Mitchell but doesn’t come across as deep or rough. D is the next string, and the brother who fits that role is none other than Drew! The D string is the most commonly used one, and being one of the middle strings sounds good with either the high string or the low ones. This is very much like my brother, Drew, because he is the middle child and is very versatile in the sense that he can get along well with either the older brothers (Mitch and Justin) or the younger one (Hunter). The last and youngest brother is Hunter, and he is quite similar to the A string. The A string is the highest and can bring some of the sweetest and most pleasing sounds when played right, and is easy to press down on and get the sound you want out of because it is the thinnest. Hunter is also the sweetest brother I have. He is so kind it melts your heart and although he doesn’t always go well with Mitchell (the lowest string), they still have their moments of beauty. Some things all the strings have in common are 1) they are all made of the same material, 2) they all have harmonics, and 3) they all need to be tuned at some point. These qualities are similar to my brothers because 1) they have all been raised the same and came from the same two people, 2) they can all be harmonious although it can be hard to get out of them sometimes, and 3) they all have times where they need to be fixed up by my parents so they act and sound like they are supposed to.

Next are my two sisters. The older of the two is Brooke and I see her as being the neck and fingerboard. The neck connects the scroll, peg box, and pegs to the body of the instrument; the fingerboard is where the cellist presses his/her fingers down on the strings to get the notes out that they want. Brooke is like the neck because she is sensitive and likes to be close to my dad (the pegs), and like the fingerboard because she does not really connect with my brothers (the strings) without some outside force (the fingers of the cellist). My youngest sister - and the baby of the family - is McKenzie, and she is comparable to the cello bow. The bow can be played on the strings in any way (with the hair, on the stick, slanted, straight, short, long, smooth, staccato, etc.) and no matter what get some sound out of them. Since McKenzie is the baby, she can get almost anything she wants out of my brothers by playing them in some way. She has a lot of control that everybody who knows or watches my family can see.

Lastly, there is the part I play. I consider myself to be the bridge and the sound post. The bridge and sound post are said to be at the heart of the cellos set up and link parts together. They also have a profound influence on the instruments tone and response. I feel like I link my siblings together and have a good connection with my parents and the family as a whole. I have a decent size influence on how my family acts, much like the bridge influencing how the cello sounds.

Boys and Girls

In a video I had to watch for class this week, a statement was made that definitely rubbed me wrong. The very feminist woman firmly declared, "We desperately need to raise our sons more like we raise our daughters." This doesn't make any sense to me at all! In my opinion, you can't even raise two children of the same gender alike, so how would you do it with two different genders?? Males and females are different, but can share similar interests. I think that both should get equal opportunities to do things that are considered to be "gender specific activities" to the opposite sex, if desired. The best way to raise children is to make sure they are well-rounded and get the chance to try a little bit of everything such as indoor housework, outdoor housework, sports, musical activities, mechanical activities, artistic activities, etc. Before this class, I never thought of how the number of siblings, genders of siblings, and where you fall in the family line (kid #2,5,6, etc) would affect the roles we play and the opportunities we get to have. I was blessed with an advantage because I have 4 brothers right around my age, and two little sisters. So I learned to be rough and tumble (more male-typical) and caring and understanding (more female typical), as well as doing all sorts of activities with boys and girls. Everyone is born into different situations, but hopefully can all become well-rounded individuals!

Odds And Ends

This past week there were a few random things that really stuck with me. First thing is what my classmates determined to be the main purposes of family. They came up with 1) to bring to pass Heavenly Father's Plan; 2) to help us become like Him; 3) to bring children to Earth to raise righteously; 4) to provide structure, socialization, and a good influence; 5) to establish expectations, hope, and values; and 6) to provide love, support, and financial resources. All were great answers! Anything missing? The next thing was that the number one predictor of if a child will live in poverty, is if there is a father in the home or not. How fascinating is that? I think it's an incredible testimony of the importance of a solid, loving marriage between a man and woman. There must be a sturdy father in the home for a successful family life. Lastly, tests have shown that family work (working together towards something) brings each other closer than vacationing together. How cool, right?! Service does more to strengthen the family than leisurely activities. Not a real shock, but still insightful in my opinion. Just fortifies my testimony of the power of charitable, Christ-centered service and the great blessings we receive from doing so. If ya have any imput about these things, feel free to comment and be sure to let me know!

Try a little harder, to understand a little more.

Wow! Another exciting week gone by! And once again, so much learned! This week we spent a great deal of time talking about Family Theories. So first off, a slight bit of clarification for those who may be questioning their knowledge of what a theory is exactly. A theory is an attempt to explain a phenomena. And phenomena? That is any observable event. Now, with those defined (according to Brother Williams - the most awesome teacher ever), I will quickly touch on each of the theories we talked about and then go a little deeper into the one in particular that really struck me. First theory is the Family Systems Theory. This describes the roles the individuals play in the family (peacemaker, tattletale, etc). Second is the Exchange Theory and that describes the feelings people have considering keeping "cost lower than rewards." In other words, wanting at least as much benefits to come out as the effort (time, money, etc) put into it. Third, Symbolic Interaction Theory, describes the perceptions, or trying to make sense out of people's behaviors. Lastly is the Conflict Theory, where some people have a bit more power over another.
The theory that I am most interested in is the Symbolic Interactions theory. So often people misread and assume different things about the actions of another. An example given was when a husband did the dishes for his wife. The wife assumed, through this action, that he was basically implying that she was incapable of doing things and a slob (she had never experienced having men do the dishes). The husband was actually doing the dishes because he loved his wife and wanted to help lift her burdens in any way he could. Another example was when a husband - who would get up and get ready for work before his wife - would leave the dresser drawers ajar and slightly messy. This drove the wife crazy, thinking he was doing it on purpose to drive her nuts. Come to find out, the husband was actually doing it because he didn't want to make a loud noise closing the drawers and causing her to wake up. So many people perceive the actions of others differently than the person meant them to come across, based on their own experience and knowledge. If certain actions are not talked about, these misconceptions can lead to lots of turmoil and bitter feelings, causing wedges to appear. These wedges can have a dangerous effect on relationships that can devistate family life. Hopefully we can all try to have better communication and do our best to understand others, especially the ones we are close to and have to live with. How can we do better?

It's the Little Things

So during a class discussion this week, something interesting was shared that I hadn't really thought about before. One of my fellow classmates shared a quote that roughly stated says, "So many people are willing to do things such as going to war for their children, but they aren't willing to stop the #1 thing that is hurting them...divorce." I found this to be very intriguing for a couple of reasons. First off, there are so many people that see divorce as such an easy way out. If there are just a few disagreements, suddenly they are fed up and separating themselves comes to mind. Why is that? Are people not mature enough by the time they are married to know how to solve problems and talk things over? Then possibly make some necessary changes? Second, they don't seem to realize the major effects divorce has on children. Coming from a super loving home with parents who have been married only to each other for the last 22 years, I can't say I fully understand all of what it does, but having so many close friends that come from broken families does shed some light on the subject. And I must say, it can be pretty rough. My biggest question now I guess is this: If parents really would go to war for their children, would they not be even more willing to prevent war from ever occuring in the most important place: the home? I think they don't realize the great impact the little things have on everyday life. A kind word, a gentle reminder, a friendly suggestion...Any ideas?

Day 1

So for my Family Relations class I was commanded to start up a blog. Hence, this "The Class."! I will update weekly with whatever I am inspired to write about pertaining to the class and my thoughts and feelings about what we discuss during the week. Hopefully you will be touched by something that compels you to continue reading and maybe make a change in your life. Or if you find something I write to be just that funny causing you to read solely for entertainments sake, that's fine with me too. If you don't fit into either of those categories, I apologize for any time you may feel you have wasted. Please feel free to comment (as constructively and politely as possible if you disagree on a subject) anytime and on anything. I love hearing what others have to say, and hopefully you will like what I have to say as well! And with that, I guess, welcome to The Class.!